Cyber bullying and children

Cyberbullying is used as an umbrella term to describe many kinds of online abuse including but not limited to harassment, doxing, reputation attacks and revenge porn.   To constitute cyberbullying the perpetrator uses technology and/or any other device with access to the internet or social media. 

Since we cannot help but accept the fact that we and the forthcoming generations cannot even imagine a life without these technologies and the threat that comes with it is almost obvious and certain.  

Responsible handling of the technology can to an extent avoid the situation, but this becomes a problem when children who are still learning about this themselves create or become victims to cyberbullying.  

Why do our children become bullies? 

• As a means of revenge – This happens when they themselves have undergone bullying earlier. These children are referred to as bully-victims. Bully- victims feel that what they do is completely acceptable and okay as they have been bullied earlier and see that nothing much has changed around them.  

• As a means of getting attention – This often happens when they lack attention and supervision from parents. As a result, the internet becomes their only source of entertainment and an outlet for getting attention. 

• To fit in – Sometimes kids will cyberbully to fit in with a group of friends or a clique. As a result, these kids succumb to peer pressure to being accepted at school without worrying about the consequences. 

• Because everyone is doing it – When teens believe lots of people are bullying online, they are more likely to engage in the behavior themselves. In their minds, it doesn’t seem like a significant problem because their peer group accepts the behavior. 

• Power-hungry- The general goal is to increase their own power by reducing the power of someone else. 

• Anonymity – The anonymity of the Internet gives kids a false sense of security. They believe if they post things anonymously that they won’t get caught. In fact, a significant number of kids who do not bully face-to-face will still engage in cyberbullying. 

• Non-empaths – Many kids reported that online bullying made them feel funny, popular, and powerful and felt little or no remorse for their actions. 

What to do when one knows that their child is a bully? 

• Acknowledge – First and foremost step in creating a change is accepting and acknowledging the problem. 

• Tend to your feelings separately – The news can be devastating as a parent and is likely to bring up a lot of feelings. Try to keep your reactions and feelings separate so when you talk and work with your child you can focus on their actions, motivation, and needs.  

• Consider how to best handle the situation – Have a clear idea of the outcomes you need to achieve with your child. Knowing about the length of time cyberbullying has been a problem, the severity of the cyberbullying, whether your child was the instigator or is a “tag-along” bully, knowing /identifying the victim(s) and so on.

• Who needs to be involved in the process of change? And who doesn’t? – Identify the “team” that needs to work together to coordinate any rehabilitation. The goal is to identify everyone that will be working with your child or teen on any aspect of this cyberbullying problem and to collaborate effectively, so your child gets the most unified, consistent message possible. 

• Identify the motivation – There is no excuse for cyberbullying, but it is important to understand why your child or teen chose to act in this manner, and if there are underlying issues that also need to be addressed. 

• Restricting access to internet – Bring it under your control and supervision as much as possible.  

• Reparations and restitution – Stopping cyberbullying is a critical step, but the process is not over until there has been a change of heart and honest attempts at reparations have been made. This includes requiring your child to remove as best they can any damaging messages, images, video, or other content they have generated, and asking their friends or others involved to do the same. Instill the importance of apologizing to the victim for the damage they may have caused. 

• Watch closely for any signs of retaliation- Any retaliation means your child continues to blame someone else for their misdeeds rather than looking at their own actions. 

What to do if your child is a victim? 

• Show them you have their back- The safety and well-being of your child should always be the foremost priority. There is nothing more powerful than the support and assistance you provide as a parent to your child. Work on being the one whom they first approach for their problems.  

• Understand and address the effects your child might experience – The child might go through or would have been going through numerous emotional, mental, behavioral and physical effects as part of being the victim. Observing, understanding and addressing each issue carefully and patiently helps your child bounce back to life. 

• Collect evidence – Engage your child in conversation about what is going on. Gather evidence online as much as possible which can serve as clear proof that your child is being cyberbullied. 

• Work with the school – If the target and aggressor go to the same school. Your child has the right to feel safe at school, and educators are responsible to ensure this through an investigation and appropriate response. Demand one.  

• Refrain from contacting the parents of the bully – It only makes matters worse. 

• Seek help if necessary – Your child may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional. Children may prefer to dialogue with a third party who may be perceived as more objective.  Contact the police if physical threats are involved.  

• Implement measures to prevent it from reoccurring – If your child is being bullied through social media (YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc.), set up privacy controls within each platform to block the person doing the bullying from contacting them, and file a report. Also encourage them to keep talking to you before small issues flare up into major situations. 

Preventing something beforehand is the best solution for many issues. Having said all the above, let us understand that an observant, aware and present parent can help a child not only to overcome troubles but also stop them from stepping into one.